The Angrez

The Angrez- most hillarious comedy!!

Enjoi the dialogues of our beloved Ismail Bhai's Gang members

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Saleem Pheku at Paan Dabba..

Arre... Tu mechanic hai pyjaama hai.........arey woh laal waali mercedez nakko re baawa woh safed wali toh bhi bhijwa de..bahut kaama hain re...ek to bhijaa de ..bahut kaama hain re...

Dabbawaala to Saleem : Kya mia 10 rupai kee numaish phone see bhat kare too kya sunee aatee

Saleem : Arre...yeh baat tho tumko aur merku maloom hain.. wo ladki ko kya maloom... tum paan banao ustaad.

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Jahangir

Jahangir's Mother : arre kahan jaa raha rey iflass....kitni baar bola ki bahar jaate samay nahin tokna bolke...thoda kaam sey jaroon...abhi tu kaam bhi kara jaissa hai, yeh ley thaili aur gosh leke aaa, 50 rupay hai usmein aur sun hara masala nakko bhul, pura hisab dena......

Boy to Jahangir : arre ball phek rey jhangir,

Jahangir : kya rey tum loggon ko kaam dhandha nahin ki yahan pey subha sey shyam cricket khelte rehte....

Boy to Jahangir: tu karra na, wohi bahot hai.....chal ball la....

Jahangir : kaun bola rey woh, dikhatoon ek ek ku....CHINDI CHORRON KA ADDA HOGAYA GALI...PINDEY KE MERI.

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Saleem to Jahangir : arrey pheku kisko bolra rey?

Saleem : namasthe malanna...kya smart dhikre. Arre minister ka khaas aadmi hain wo.
jahangir: kya bade gaadi pe jaara ustaad?

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Saleem and Jahangir at Mutton Shop

Saleem : kya tandurust maal haa baap, apnee koo iysech raina bap......chandka thukda hai........boti kabab hai boti kabab.......

hamaaare quadeer bhai.....yeh kali kaun hai ustad ?

Quadeer bhai : Wo meri behan hain...!

Jahangir to Saleem : kya chuthiye aadmi hain yaaron tum...wahan pe do min aur thaire tho apna ich kuchh latakta tha...

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Jahangir Falls from Saleem's scooter

kya gadhi chelararya bhei
Nayi Disk breakaa hain rey

kai ka baigan ka disk breakaa ray

Ismail bhai's first wife : arre kaun hai...salim hai!kaise hai salim..both dinon ke bad aaye ander aao na salim...

Ismail bhai's second wife : agaye tumhare avara dosta

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Ismail bhai's gang in the Hotel

Ismail Bhai : Arey thumloga phikar kaiku karrey yaron!!!!!! Ismail bhai ke patte hai, pachees saal se charminar pe baitahu , meri kuch iszad hai yaron.......dho chai tho bolo

Jahangir : parsooo dabeerpure ki ladayio mein kyaa hua maaloom....chindi haalat hui !!!!

kya hua bole tho....mein,salim,chinna,patel,zaleel,feroz ,akbal sab gaye te..... khaali latto se diye.. gap gip gap gip.

mein kyaa kara bole tho rabbar ki chappal pahanleke deewar ke paas jaake woh diya woh diya....phir akbaal ko hilaaya kya re akbaal tu bhi do bhairiyaa rak unlogaa gardan par keenchre boletho akbaal kya bola maalum hai mere baaju circle jo tehraa hein mein kaisaa maarungaa un logo ko.

Jahangir : aagaya dekh apna salim pheku!!!

Ismail bhai : kya khusboo aari saleem kya daala ?
Salim Pheku : poison daalliya
Jhangir : Kya re poison daalliya.... kya pekra yaaron
Salim Peku : poison mathlab scent ko bolthey yeh bahar miltha. Mere kamre mein saat sau khisam ke scent ke sheeshiya hai. Main roz nikalne se pehle idhar udhar, shirt mein , chaddi mein dalke nikalto.
Jhangir : Abids ke foot path mein miltha

Saleem : woh duplicate scent tumare bawa lagate

Jhangir : Bava pe nakko jao..!!

Saleem :
kal kriishna oberoy mein daawat thi.. daawat mein jaate, manageraan venageraan poora hallo hai bole.. main bola party kidar chalri boletho, 'BLANKET' hall mein chalri boli..
(kounsi hall mein???!!!!!) BLANKET HALL yaaron..
blanket hall mein aisa ghusthe hi, poore loga nachre mein bole apun nachenga tho poora pottiyan mereku lapat jaate, tho mein aisa bhaju se nikal raha hoon.. tho do loga taire the, jaate vaate logan se kya bolra maalun, "arey ine english filmon ka hero dikhra ni",
(ismail bhai: abba....)
ab mein hallu jaake table pe bhaita, waiter aa ke bola "sir any thing thanda garam", ab sharab tho mein peeta nai, mein ek all mix fruit juice la bolke bola..
aisa bhaite hi saamnese mallika dhekli..
(ismail bhai: mallika??!! kaun?)
arey 'MURDER' yaaron, bhaj leke aake boli "hi saleem where are you?, how do u do?, naayudu" bolke..
phir mereku lapatli ustaad, lapat ke idhar puppy udhar puppy, tum samaj rahena, idhar puppy udhar puppy mera pulna shuru hogaya..
(jahangir: kya phulna shuru hogaya baap saleem..?)
arey saas pulna shuru hogai yaaron..

mallika-"saleem mujje long drive pe jaana hain"
saleem -" ab main usse hyd main long drive pe khaha le jaoo asse banjara hill se panjagutta se sida niclace road se tak band par lete he kya bole maloom .
mallika-"saleem mereku icecream hona" bolte he to main mohazzamjahi market kane roka arre mashur icecream hain na yaaron vahha panch pach cup ice cream.
ismail bhai"panch pach cup"
saleem-"arre ithe ithe cup the yaaro" kaliye baad mai bola ab to tum thande hogaye sida uskho lekar jaya kirshana oberio tak aab tum jao ghar kho main bhi jaroo .gud nite.

tho who kya bole maloom "saleem aab tum jana vana nahi ise kaise hota tum mare saath room ko chalo kuch bathana hai"
aab main kya kara who bolre bolke room kho chala gaya.aaab room kho chale janeke baad raath bar kya hua maloom nakho pucho.
jahangir - neend main se aankh kab kuli yaaro teri
saleem- subah.

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The Fight in the Hotel

Saleem : yeh bahar wale chupke hi bikariyo ka photo nikalke bahar leke jake dikhake tamasha karte."arey kaha maarra re,kiska nikalra re,ismail bhai ko bikhari samajra re angrez,re angrez"

Jahanginr : gaali diya ustaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad

Kya samjhe re tum logan hyderabadiyonko phod ke rakh daalthe

pacchis saal se main charminar mein baita hu, aaj tak mere ko koi hath nahi lagaaya ... ye angreza aake mere ko haath lagathe re ... maa ki kirkiri ...

Saleem : assalam alaikum Ahmed bhai. Main saleem. Kal kya orchestra tha yaaro. main jaldi nikal gaya. Are Ahmed bhai woh hamare Ismail bhai hai nai, haan woich Charminar wale., zara unki Angrezo ke saath ladai hogai. Zara kuch bhi hua to aap P.S. Sambhal lena............
Saleem : Ahmed bhai bole Ismail bhai ke liye P.S. kya poora Control room sambhal leton.

Chaus : Puraa phirke aya ustaad....o mote mote galliyan...o bharik bharik galliyan....o choude choude galliyan....pura phirke maloom kare ustaad...ustaaad bahut bhook lagri ustaad

saleem : ismael bhai, angrezonka ghar ka pataa laaliyaa.
jahangir: sahin layaa ya phekraa?
saleem: hou re main utthaa toh bhi karaa, tu kya kara re, jab kal angrezaan ismael bhai ka shirt phadke ismael bhai ko khudal khudal ke marrethe...
unknown: abbaaaa!!!! khudal khudal ke maare ismael bhai ko?
ismael bhai: makki kirkiri baigan main mila diyaa re tu meri izzat ku, sab logaan merku poochre re.. tum log kya toh bhi samjhey re mereku..

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Ismail Bhai's gang at NRI's Apartment

Saleem to all : tu to paakit maar dikraaa!!

arrey yeh to khandaani rikshewala dikhra

tu kyun hasra re tu to theatre mein nayi film lagi tho 30 ka 60 ,30 ka 60 bolke phirte naa waisa dikhraa!!!

main to ramu bhai ke agla movie ka hero lagru ....!

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Ismail bhai's gang in the Hotel

salim on phone: helloo!! kaun? ismael bhai? kaun ismael bhai? ismael bhai... ek minute..
salim :.. bhaabhi ka phone hain doosri ghar se..
ismael bhai: tere paas kahaan se aayaa re phone?
salim: us din paikhaaney saaf karte waqt mere paas rehgayathaa...
ismael bhai: halluuu bol re.. uskuuu sunneaathaa...tum logaaan baigan main milaadiyaa meri izzat kuu.. maakki kirkiriii... hello.. main aaroo bhai ek ghantey se.. tum logaan chindiyaan kardi meri haalath ko.. makki kirkirii... time kharaab chelraa re..]
salim: ismael bhai zaraan do chai to bolooo
ismael bhai: ab chai nahin kuch nahin bey

salim tum tension nakko liyo bhai is baar aisi planning dalrun angrezan bachi nahin sakthe saale!!!
theekh hai do chai tho bol re
are iliyaaz !!char thande, char alu samose ,do plate mirchi,ek plate khari boondhi,char kachori,char alu bonde aur do ande wande bhi lele jaldi !!!!!.....CHAI BADME

arey salim pheku tu bas phektha hai ya kuch karega bhi!!!

Saleem :Aisa nai hota Ismail Bhai... poora planning dalke jaana padtha
Saleem : Ab Banjara Hills ya se pachis(25) kilometer hai.
Chaush : Kaisa re.
Saleem : Are hao re galiyon galiyon mein se gaye to uttaich hota.

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Ismail Bhai's Gang at NRI's Office

Saleem on seeing girl : aey saaf kar!! Manager, cleaning company manager,cleaning company manager!!

mai apna ssaf kar raha hun tu aapna saaf karna bey

arrey ismail bhai zara kone mein saaf karo

Ismail Bhai : pachees saal se charminaar me hoo, kya chootiya samaj ra re mereko?

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Jahangir to panwaala : char choto manikchand.... char bada manikchand.. chaar chabaaza ..char sweety ..char crane ..char baba chota kashmiri chunne mein ..char baba chota kashmiri kathhe mein.. do dabbi bada gold flake... do dabbi chota gold flake ..ek ladi...

Ismail bhai to Jahangir : kya re poora dabba khareed ta kya .... do cigrette le re ... maki kir kiri

tum loga pukkat ke cigerettaa,, pookat ke chaya...pukkat ke paana..khake merku bambooo gusadre...

saleem : ismail bhai ke patte hai re hum logaan...chai nahin pilaaye to bhi hamaare dil mein ismail bhai ich rehte...

Jahangir : bachpan mein school ki fees nahin hai tho ismail bhai dethe the hamare liye paise!!kya kuch nahin kare ismail bhai hamare vasthe

Ismail Bhai Do Din Nahi Dikhe toh loga puchte, Ismail Bhai Dubai gaye kya?

Saleem : woh rukhsana parso poochri ismail bhai kahan hai kaise hai itney din se dikhey kyun nahi

ABHI ruksanaku bhi malum hogaya!!!!!!!!! thum loga chindhi chore kama karke meri izzat mitti me miladere!!!!!!! makki kirkiri

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Guy challenging Saleem : ab thum jathere angrez ku pakadne........ismail bhai!! mere patton ku bhejthum spot me kam kardhethe

Saleem : kahan par hai re thu hyderabad mein dus minute bole tho chaalis minute ich hothe !!

Saleem : jaataa-khaataaa???

Rukhsaana to Ismail Bhai : "kya ismail bhai parso aapko angrezo ne kundal kundal ke mare kahte"...waisa...kisne bola...woh saleem bolra ta ghouse e nn ke paas"...

Lady : condom condom kitne baar bolna tumko laaneko..poori cricket team banadi aaur yeh extra player bhi lane ka iraada hain kya ?

Saleem imitating Inspector on phone : Helloooooooo bipaashaaa!!

Jahangir : woh ismail budday ki chakkar may aakay life tho kharaab hoich gayi awaaz bhi kharaab ho gayi,pinday ki meri life ku chunna kathha lag gaya ,khaali phukat kay do chayan pilaatha thaa din bhar ki mehnat rehti thi hamaari,kia bolay aap baba cheeta kashmiri bolay naa ,banarao ,aakhri paan hai duniya kay koi dabbay pay nahi milta,ya malai walai sab milri dabba haath pay hai bhai kay,haan zara ladies ku side do salamwalaikum khaala kaisay hai kahaala achay hai khaala


New additions:

"Tum logaan serious kaiku lete yaro.Ismalil bhai ke patthe hai.Pacchis saal se charminar pe baithewan hun,meri bhi kuchh ijjat hai yaron.Tum logaan kya to bhi samjhe re mereku?"

Fukat ke chaya,fukat ke biskita,fukat ke samose khake,tum logaan bambu ghusedrahe mere mein."

Chindhi chora jaise kamaa karke tum logaan baingan me mila diye re meri izzat ku"

"Ab Ruksaana ko bhi pata chal gaya???"

"Dekha re hamare network, logan thank you bolke kaama karte" "Khor (Khol/Open) re jaldi, khol miyaaa" [Door] "Aisa nai hota Ismail bhai poori pilaning karke jana padta" "Khata??? jaata???" "Tum logan meri izzat ko baingan mein mila diye re, maaki kirkiri" "Mallika, kaun?....Arre murder yaaron"

"Sara Hyderabad paichanta mereku..tum logaa paikhane saaf karwate re mere se.aau beta Hotel ku"

Laxmi " Tum log double meaning dialog bolke mereku sata rehai. Mereko sab maloom hai"

Neighbour : "I am Rana Pratap" Your neighbour.

 

My name is Lotus.I'm ur Neighbour...

Famous Dialogues from the movie:

Start scene
Jahangir: Kya re, tum logo ko kaam dhandha nahi hai, subha se shaam tak cricket kheltey rehtey? Tumharey baap ka naukar deekh ra hun? Jaake kuch kaam Dhandha deekhona re. ...

Chindi choro ka adda ho gaya galli hai ... pindey ki meri ...

Salim Entry [Tum toh thehrey pardesi playing in the back ground]

Salim: Hello. Arey, Tu mechanic hai ki payejama hai? laal wali mercedes benz nako re pehele safeed wali bhija de. Kaama hai, bahut kaama hai re mereko bhai,ek toh bhi bhija de.

Ismail Bhai: Arey tum loga serious kaye ko lete yaaron. Ismail bhai ke pattey hai, Pacchees saal se Charminar pe baitha hun, meri kuchizzat hai yaaron,tum log kya toh bhi samjhey re mereko.

Salim Re-entry

Ismail Bhai: Kya re Salim, kya khushboo aa ri rey?
Salim: Poison daal liya
Jahangir: Kya re poison daal liya?
Kiraath: Kya re, kya fek ra?
Salim: Arey tum log cheap category ke local basti ke C-grade loga hai. Poison boley toh scent ko boltey. Bahar milta.
Jahangir: Abids ke footpath pe milta hoga.
Salim: 'Vo duplicate tumary bava lagatey'.
Jahangir: Aee ... bava pe nakko jao.
Ismail Bhai: Arey tum log ladlo nakko yaaro
Salim: Arey mein kya bol raha bhai ...Poison boley toh scent ko boltey. Merey bedroom mein saath sau kisam ki sheshiyaan hai. Mein jub bhi davat mein jata hun na ek poori scent ki sheshe daal leke jata hun. Kapdon mein, idhar udhar, chaddi mein jooon mein sab jagah daal leke jata hun.
Kal raat ko kya hua malum, Krishna Oberoi mein daavat thi. Davat mein jatey hi poorey manegaraan vanegaraan hello hai boley. mein bola Party kahan chal ri boley toh Blanket hall min chal ri ... blanket hall yaaron. Blanket hall mein ghustey hi poorey looga naachre. Mein bola ab mein naachney ko gaya toh poorey pottiyan mereko lapat jati. Toh mein aisa baazoo se nikalroo toh do logaa thehrey huey tehy kya boley malum .. Arey inhey English filmo ka hero deekh ra ne?
Ab mein hallu jakey table pe baith gaya. Baiththey hi waiter aya. Bola .. sir, anythign thanda garam. Ab sharab toh mein peeta nahi.Mein bola ek all mix fruit juice la bola.
Aisa baithey se hi samney se Mallika deekh li
Ismail bhai: Mallika ??
Salim: Arey Murder Yaaron! Bhaaglke aakey boli ... hi Salim, where are u, how do you do, now u do bolkey pakadli. Malika, poorey logan deekh re, yh kya kar ri tum. Boley toh unhey kya boli malum? Arey .. aisey hi kaama karey toh apun papoolur hotey! Fir lapatney aati toh bola deekho control mein raho. Mereko fir lapti Ustaad. Lapatkey idhar pappi, udhar pappi .. meri toh foolna shuru ho gayi.
Jahangir: Kya foolna shuru ho gayi baap Salim?
Salim:Arey saans yara...

...

Salim: Berhaal Baith gaye. Thoda ekdo glass beer veer kya ki pee li unhey. Fir boli, Salim mereko bore mar ra party mein, long drive pe jana. Ab Hyderabaad mein long drive pe kahan le jaun usko. Kya kara malum? Gaad mein aisa bithakey Begumpet se Panjagutta, Panjagutta se Necklace Road mara, fir aisa Diamond pe lete hi kya boli malum .. Salim, mereko Ice cream hona.Boltey hi aisa Moazzam Jahi market pe lakey roka.... Arey Mashhoor ice cream nahi hai yaaron ? Vahan paanch paanch cup ice cream khaye
Ismail bhai: panch paanch cupa??
Salim: Itey itey toh cuppan they yaaron

Salim: Ismail bhai ... angrezon ke office ka pata la liya

Vo motey motey galiyan, vo baareek baareek galiyan, vo badey badey galiyan ...

Ismail bhai: Tum loga chindi chor kaama karkey meri izzat baigan mein mila diyey Kiraat: Bhai, Inhey bahut bada maskara hia. Aadhi chai ke liye kuch bhi kar sakta. Us din apartment mein le jakey fakiran banahya. A aafes ko lejkey kya karta ki!

Ismail bhai, bahut fir ke aya, book lagi.

Salim: Arey kya sada bhook lagi bhook lagi. Rastey mein bhi bol ra bhook lagi. Arey ek gilas doodh do isko. Bandi pe jo bhi hai sab de do re isko. Ismail Bhai: Tum log fukat ke chaiya, fukat ke biskitaan, fukat ke buttey khakey mereko bamboo gusedrey. Maaki kirkiri.

 

Publishers
Amol Bapat and Saurabh Patwardhan