The Angrez

The Angrez- most hillarious comedy!!

Enjoi the dialogues of our beloved Ismail Bhai's Gang members

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Saleem Pheku at Paan Dabba..

Arre... Tu mechanic hai pyjaama hai.........arey woh laal waali mercedez nakko re baawa woh safed wali toh bhi bhijwa de..bahut kaama hain re...ek to bhijaa de ..bahut kaama hain re...

Dabbawaala to Saleem : Kya mia 10 rupai kee numaish phone see bhat kare too kya sunee aatee

Saleem : Arre...yeh baat tho tumko aur merku maloom hain.. wo ladki ko kya maloom... tum paan banao ustaad.

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Jahangir

Jahangir's Mother : arre kahan jaa raha rey iflass....kitni baar bola ki bahar jaate samay nahin tokna bolke...thoda kaam sey jaroon...abhi tu kaam bhi kara jaissa hai, yeh ley thaili aur gosh leke aaa, 50 rupay hai usmein aur sun hara masala nakko bhul, pura hisab dena......

Boy to Jahangir : arre ball phek rey jhangir,

Jahangir : kya rey tum loggon ko kaam dhandha nahin ki yahan pey subha sey shyam cricket khelte rehte....

Boy to Jahangir: tu karra na, wohi bahot hai.....chal ball la....

Jahangir : kaun bola rey woh, dikhatoon ek ek ku....CHINDI CHORRON KA ADDA HOGAYA GALI...PINDEY KE MERI.

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Saleem to Jahangir : arrey pheku kisko bolra rey?

Saleem : namasthe malanna...kya smart dhikre. Arre minister ka khaas aadmi hain wo.
jahangir: kya bade gaadi pe jaara ustaad?

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Saleem and Jahangir at Mutton Shop

Saleem : kya tandurust maal haa baap, apnee koo iysech raina bap......chandka thukda hai........boti kabab hai boti kabab.......

hamaaare quadeer bhai.....yeh kali kaun hai ustad ?

Quadeer bhai : Wo meri behan hain...!

Jahangir to Saleem : kya chuthiye aadmi hain yaaron tum...wahan pe do min aur thaire tho apna ich kuchh latakta tha...

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Jahangir Falls from Saleem's scooter

kya gadhi chelararya bhei
Nayi Disk breakaa hain rey

kai ka baigan ka disk breakaa ray

Ismail bhai's first wife : arre kaun hai...salim hai!kaise hai salim..both dinon ke bad aaye ander aao na salim...

Ismail bhai's second wife : agaye tumhare avara dosta

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Ismail bhai's gang in the Hotel

Ismail Bhai : Arey thumloga phikar kaiku karrey yaron!!!!!! Ismail bhai ke patte hai, pachees saal se charminar pe baitahu , meri kuch iszad hai yaron.......dho chai tho bolo

Jahangir : parsooo dabeerpure ki ladayio mein kyaa hua maaloom....chindi haalat hui !!!!

kya hua bole tho....mein,salim,chinna,patel,zaleel,feroz ,akbal sab gaye te..... khaali latto se diye.. gap gip gap gip.

mein kyaa kara bole tho rabbar ki chappal pahanleke deewar ke paas jaake woh diya woh diya....phir akbaal ko hilaaya kya re akbaal tu bhi do bhairiyaa rak unlogaa gardan par keenchre boletho akbaal kya bola maalum hai mere baaju circle jo tehraa hein mein kaisaa maarungaa un logo ko.

Jahangir : aagaya dekh apna salim pheku!!!

Ismail bhai : kya khusboo aari saleem kya daala ?
Salim Pheku : poison daalliya
Jhangir : Kya re poison daalliya.... kya pekra yaaron
Salim Peku : poison mathlab scent ko bolthey yeh bahar miltha. Mere kamre mein saat sau khisam ke scent ke sheeshiya hai. Main roz nikalne se pehle idhar udhar, shirt mein , chaddi mein dalke nikalto.
Jhangir : Abids ke foot path mein miltha

Saleem : woh duplicate scent tumare bawa lagate

Jhangir : Bava pe nakko jao..!!

Saleem :
kal kriishna oberoy mein daawat thi.. daawat mein jaate, manageraan venageraan poora hallo hai bole.. main bola party kidar chalri boletho, 'BLANKET' hall mein chalri boli..
(kounsi hall mein???!!!!!) BLANKET HALL yaaron..
blanket hall mein aisa ghusthe hi, poore loga nachre mein bole apun nachenga tho poora pottiyan mereku lapat jaate, tho mein aisa bhaju se nikal raha hoon.. tho do loga taire the, jaate vaate logan se kya bolra maalun, "arey ine english filmon ka hero dikhra ni",
(ismail bhai: abba....)
ab mein hallu jaake table pe bhaita, waiter aa ke bola "sir any thing thanda garam", ab sharab tho mein peeta nai, mein ek all mix fruit juice la bolke bola..
aisa bhaite hi saamnese mallika dhekli..
(ismail bhai: mallika??!! kaun?)
arey 'MURDER' yaaron, bhaj leke aake boli "hi saleem where are you?, how do u do?, naayudu" bolke..
phir mereku lapatli ustaad, lapat ke idhar puppy udhar puppy, tum samaj rahena, idhar puppy udhar puppy mera pulna shuru hogaya..
(jahangir: kya phulna shuru hogaya baap saleem..?)
arey saas pulna shuru hogai yaaron..

mallika-"saleem mujje long drive pe jaana hain"
saleem -" ab main usse hyd main long drive pe khaha le jaoo asse banjara hill se panjagutta se sida niclace road se tak band par lete he kya bole maloom .
mallika-"saleem mereku icecream hona" bolte he to main mohazzamjahi market kane roka arre mashur icecream hain na yaaron vahha panch pach cup ice cream.
ismail bhai"panch pach cup"
saleem-"arre ithe ithe cup the yaaro" kaliye baad mai bola ab to tum thande hogaye sida uskho lekar jaya kirshana oberio tak aab tum jao ghar kho main bhi jaroo .gud nite.

tho who kya bole maloom "saleem aab tum jana vana nahi ise kaise hota tum mare saath room ko chalo kuch bathana hai"
aab main kya kara who bolre bolke room kho chala gaya.aaab room kho chale janeke baad raath bar kya hua maloom nakho pucho.
jahangir - neend main se aankh kab kuli yaaro teri
saleem- subah.

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The Fight in the Hotel

Saleem : yeh bahar wale chupke hi bikariyo ka photo nikalke bahar leke jake dikhake tamasha karte."arey kaha maarra re,kiska nikalra re,ismail bhai ko bikhari samajra re angrez,re angrez"

Jahanginr : gaali diya ustaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad

Kya samjhe re tum logan hyderabadiyonko phod ke rakh daalthe

pacchis saal se main charminar mein baita hu, aaj tak mere ko koi hath nahi lagaaya ... ye angreza aake mere ko haath lagathe re ... maa ki kirkiri ...

Saleem : assalam alaikum Ahmed bhai. Main saleem. Kal kya orchestra tha yaaro. main jaldi nikal gaya. Are Ahmed bhai woh hamare Ismail bhai hai nai, haan woich Charminar wale., zara unki Angrezo ke saath ladai hogai. Zara kuch bhi hua to aap P.S. Sambhal lena............
Saleem : Ahmed bhai bole Ismail bhai ke liye P.S. kya poora Control room sambhal leton.

Chaus : Puraa phirke aya ustaad....o mote mote galliyan...o bharik bharik galliyan....o choude choude galliyan....pura phirke maloom kare ustaad...ustaaad bahut bhook lagri ustaad

saleem : ismael bhai, angrezonka ghar ka pataa laaliyaa.
jahangir: sahin layaa ya phekraa?
saleem: hou re main utthaa toh bhi karaa, tu kya kara re, jab kal angrezaan ismael bhai ka shirt phadke ismael bhai ko khudal khudal ke marrethe...
unknown: abbaaaa!!!! khudal khudal ke maare ismael bhai ko?
ismael bhai: makki kirkiri baigan main mila diyaa re tu meri izzat ku, sab logaan merku poochre re.. tum log kya toh bhi samjhey re mereku..

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Ismail Bhai's gang at NRI's Apartment

Saleem to all : tu to paakit maar dikraaa!!

arrey yeh to khandaani rikshewala dikhra

tu kyun hasra re tu to theatre mein nayi film lagi tho 30 ka 60 ,30 ka 60 bolke phirte naa waisa dikhraa!!!

main to ramu bhai ke agla movie ka hero lagru ....!

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Ismail bhai's gang in the Hotel

salim on phone: helloo!! kaun? ismael bhai? kaun ismael bhai? ismael bhai... ek minute..
salim :.. bhaabhi ka phone hain doosri ghar se..
ismael bhai: tere paas kahaan se aayaa re phone?
salim: us din paikhaaney saaf karte waqt mere paas rehgayathaa...
ismael bhai: halluuu bol re.. uskuuu sunneaathaa...tum logaaan baigan main milaadiyaa meri izzat kuu.. maakki kirkiriii... hello.. main aaroo bhai ek ghantey se.. tum logaan chindiyaan kardi meri haalath ko.. makki kirkirii... time kharaab chelraa re..]
salim: ismael bhai zaraan do chai to bolooo
ismael bhai: ab chai nahin kuch nahin bey

salim tum tension nakko liyo bhai is baar aisi planning dalrun angrezan bachi nahin sakthe saale!!!
theekh hai do chai tho bol re
are iliyaaz !!char thande, char alu samose ,do plate mirchi,ek plate khari boondhi,char kachori,char alu bonde aur do ande wande bhi lele jaldi !!!!!.....CHAI BADME

arey salim pheku tu bas phektha hai ya kuch karega bhi!!!

Saleem :Aisa nai hota Ismail Bhai... poora planning dalke jaana padtha
Saleem : Ab Banjara Hills ya se pachis(25) kilometer hai.
Chaush : Kaisa re.
Saleem : Are hao re galiyon galiyon mein se gaye to uttaich hota.

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Ismail Bhai's Gang at NRI's Office

Saleem on seeing girl : aey saaf kar!! Manager, cleaning company manager,cleaning company manager!!

mai apna ssaf kar raha hun tu aapna saaf karna bey

arrey ismail bhai zara kone mein saaf karo

Ismail Bhai : pachees saal se charminaar me hoo, kya chootiya samaj ra re mereko?

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Jahangir to panwaala : char choto manikchand.... char bada manikchand.. chaar chabaaza ..char sweety ..char crane ..char baba chota kashmiri chunne mein ..char baba chota kashmiri kathhe mein.. do dabbi bada gold flake... do dabbi chota gold flake ..ek ladi...

Ismail bhai to Jahangir : kya re poora dabba khareed ta kya .... do cigrette le re ... maki kir kiri

tum loga pukkat ke cigerettaa,, pookat ke chaya...pukkat ke paana..khake merku bambooo gusadre...

saleem : ismail bhai ke patte hai re hum logaan...chai nahin pilaaye to bhi hamaare dil mein ismail bhai ich rehte...

Jahangir : bachpan mein school ki fees nahin hai tho ismail bhai dethe the hamare liye paise!!kya kuch nahin kare ismail bhai hamare vasthe

Ismail Bhai Do Din Nahi Dikhe toh loga puchte, Ismail Bhai Dubai gaye kya?

Saleem : woh rukhsana parso poochri ismail bhai kahan hai kaise hai itney din se dikhey kyun nahi

ABHI ruksanaku bhi malum hogaya!!!!!!!!! thum loga chindhi chore kama karke meri izzat mitti me miladere!!!!!!! makki kirkiri

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Guy challenging Saleem : ab thum jathere angrez ku pakadne........ismail bhai!! mere patton ku bhejthum spot me kam kardhethe

Saleem : kahan par hai re thu hyderabad mein dus minute bole tho chaalis minute ich hothe !!

Saleem : jaataa-khaataaa???

Rukhsaana to Ismail Bhai : "kya ismail bhai parso aapko angrezo ne kundal kundal ke mare kahte"...waisa...kisne bola...woh saleem bolra ta ghouse e nn ke paas"...

Lady : condom condom kitne baar bolna tumko laaneko..poori cricket team banadi aaur yeh extra player bhi lane ka iraada hain kya ?

Saleem imitating Inspector on phone : Helloooooooo bipaashaaa!!

Jahangir : woh ismail budday ki chakkar may aakay life tho kharaab hoich gayi awaaz bhi kharaab ho gayi,pinday ki meri life ku chunna kathha lag gaya ,khaali phukat kay do chayan pilaatha thaa din bhar ki mehnat rehti thi hamaari,kia bolay aap baba cheeta kashmiri bolay naa ,banarao ,aakhri paan hai duniya kay koi dabbay pay nahi milta,ya malai walai sab milri dabba haath pay hai bhai kay,haan zara ladies ku side do salamwalaikum khaala kaisay hai kahaala achay hai khaala


New additions:

"Tum logaan serious kaiku lete yaro.Ismalil bhai ke patthe hai.Pacchis saal se charminar pe baithewan hun,meri bhi kuchh ijjat hai yaron.Tum logaan kya to bhi samjhe re mereku?"

Fukat ke chaya,fukat ke biskita,fukat ke samose khake,tum logaan bambu ghusedrahe mere mein."

Chindhi chora jaise kamaa karke tum logaan baingan me mila diye re meri izzat ku"

"Ab Ruksaana ko bhi pata chal gaya???"

"Dekha re hamare network, logan thank you bolke kaama karte" "Khor (Khol/Open) re jaldi, khol miyaaa" [Door] "Aisa nai hota Ismail bhai poori pilaning karke jana padta" "Khata??? jaata???" "Tum logan meri izzat ko baingan mein mila diye re, maaki kirkiri" "Mallika, kaun?....Arre murder yaaron"

"Sara Hyderabad paichanta mereku..tum logaa paikhane saaf karwate re mere se.aau beta Hotel ku"

Laxmi " Tum log double meaning dialog bolke mereku sata rehai. Mereko sab maloom hai"

Neighbour : "I am Rana Pratap" Your neighbour.

 

My name is Lotus.I'm ur Neighbour...

Famous Dialogues from the movie:

Start scene
Jahangir: Kya re, tum logo ko kaam dhandha nahi hai, subha se shaam tak cricket kheltey rehtey? Tumharey baap ka naukar deekh ra hun? Jaake kuch kaam Dhandha deekhona re. ...

Chindi choro ka adda ho gaya galli hai ... pindey ki meri ...

Salim Entry [Tum toh thehrey pardesi playing in the back ground]

Salim: Hello. Arey, Tu mechanic hai ki payejama hai? laal wali mercedes benz nako re pehele safeed wali bhija de. Kaama hai, bahut kaama hai re mereko bhai,ek toh bhi bhija de.

Ismail Bhai: Arey tum loga serious kaye ko lete yaaron. Ismail bhai ke pattey hai, Pacchees saal se Charminar pe baitha hun, meri kuchizzat hai yaaron,tum log kya toh bhi samjhey re mereko.

Salim Re-entry

Ismail Bhai: Kya re Salim, kya khushboo aa ri rey?
Salim: Poison daal liya
Jahangir: Kya re poison daal liya?
Kiraath: Kya re, kya fek ra?
Salim: Arey tum log cheap category ke local basti ke C-grade loga hai. Poison boley toh scent ko boltey. Bahar milta.
Jahangir: Abids ke footpath pe milta hoga.
Salim: 'Vo duplicate tumary bava lagatey'.
Jahangir: Aee ... bava pe nakko jao.
Ismail Bhai: Arey tum log ladlo nakko yaaro
Salim: Arey mein kya bol raha bhai ...Poison boley toh scent ko boltey. Merey bedroom mein saath sau kisam ki sheshiyaan hai. Mein jub bhi davat mein jata hun na ek poori scent ki sheshe daal leke jata hun. Kapdon mein, idhar udhar, chaddi mein jooon mein sab jagah daal leke jata hun.
Kal raat ko kya hua malum, Krishna Oberoi mein daavat thi. Davat mein jatey hi poorey manegaraan vanegaraan hello hai boley. mein bola Party kahan chal ri boley toh Blanket hall min chal ri ... blanket hall yaaron. Blanket hall mein ghustey hi poorey looga naachre. Mein bola ab mein naachney ko gaya toh poorey pottiyan mereko lapat jati. Toh mein aisa baazoo se nikalroo toh do logaa thehrey huey tehy kya boley malum .. Arey inhey English filmo ka hero deekh ra ne?
Ab mein hallu jakey table pe baith gaya. Baiththey hi waiter aya. Bola .. sir, anythign thanda garam. Ab sharab toh mein peeta nahi.Mein bola ek all mix fruit juice la bola.
Aisa baithey se hi samney se Mallika deekh li
Ismail bhai: Mallika ??
Salim: Arey Murder Yaaron! Bhaaglke aakey boli ... hi Salim, where are u, how do you do, now u do bolkey pakadli. Malika, poorey logan deekh re, yh kya kar ri tum. Boley toh unhey kya boli malum? Arey .. aisey hi kaama karey toh apun papoolur hotey! Fir lapatney aati toh bola deekho control mein raho. Mereko fir lapti Ustaad. Lapatkey idhar pappi, udhar pappi .. meri toh foolna shuru ho gayi.
Jahangir: Kya foolna shuru ho gayi baap Salim?
Salim:Arey saans yara...

...

Salim: Berhaal Baith gaye. Thoda ekdo glass beer veer kya ki pee li unhey. Fir boli, Salim mereko bore mar ra party mein, long drive pe jana. Ab Hyderabaad mein long drive pe kahan le jaun usko. Kya kara malum? Gaad mein aisa bithakey Begumpet se Panjagutta, Panjagutta se Necklace Road mara, fir aisa Diamond pe lete hi kya boli malum .. Salim, mereko Ice cream hona.Boltey hi aisa Moazzam Jahi market pe lakey roka.... Arey Mashhoor ice cream nahi hai yaaron ? Vahan paanch paanch cup ice cream khaye
Ismail bhai: panch paanch cupa??
Salim: Itey itey toh cuppan they yaaron

Salim: Ismail bhai ... angrezon ke office ka pata la liya

Vo motey motey galiyan, vo baareek baareek galiyan, vo badey badey galiyan ...

Ismail bhai: Tum loga chindi chor kaama karkey meri izzat baigan mein mila diyey Kiraat: Bhai, Inhey bahut bada maskara hia. Aadhi chai ke liye kuch bhi kar sakta. Us din apartment mein le jakey fakiran banahya. A aafes ko lejkey kya karta ki!

Ismail bhai, bahut fir ke aya, book lagi.

Salim: Arey kya sada bhook lagi bhook lagi. Rastey mein bhi bol ra bhook lagi. Arey ek gilas doodh do isko. Bandi pe jo bhi hai sab de do re isko. Ismail Bhai: Tum log fukat ke chaiya, fukat ke biskitaan, fukat ke buttey khakey mereko bamboo gusedrey. Maaki kirkiri.

 

Publishers
Amol Bapat and Saurabh Patwardhan

I found it a Very Good read… so am sharing it with you…..

Money has no memory. Experience has. You will never know what was the total cost of your education, but for a lifetime you will recall and relive the memories of schools and colleges. Few years from now, you will forget the amount you paid to settle the hospitalization bill, but will ever cherish having saved your mother's life or the life you get to live with the just born. You won't remember the cost of your honeymoon, but to the last breath remember the experiences of the bliss of togetherness. Money has no memory. Experience has.

Good times and bad times, times of prosperity and times of poverty, times when the future looked so secure and times when you didn't know from where the tomorrow will come… life has been in one way or the other a roller-coaster ride for everyone. Beyond all that abundance and beyond all that deprivation, what remains is the memory of experiences. Sometimes the wallet was full… sometimes even the pocket was empty. There was enough and you still had reasons to frown. There wasn't enough and you still had reasons to smile. Today, you can look back with tears of gratitude for all the times you had laughed together, and also look back with a smile at all the times you cried alone. All in all, life filled you with experiences to create a history of your own self, and you alone can remember them all.

The first time you balanced yourself on your cycle without support…

The first gift you bought for your parents and the first gift your sibling gave you…

The first award… the first public appreciation… the first stage speech…

The first day in college…the first day at work…the first adventure…

And the list is endless… Experiences, with timeless memory…

No denying that anything that's material costs money; still the fact remains the cost of the experience will be forgotten, but the experience will never be.

So, what if it's economic recession? Let it be, but let there not be a recession to the quality of your life. You can still take your parents & grand parents, if not on a pilgrimage, at least to the local temple. You can still play with your children, if not on an international holiday, at least in the local park. It doesn't cost money to lie down or to take a loved one onto your lap. Nice time to train the employees, create leadership availability and be ready for the wonderful times when they arrive. Hey! Aspects like your health, knowledge development and spiritual growth are not economy dependent.

Time will pass… economy will revive… currency will soon be in current… and in all this, I don't want you to look back and realise you did nothing but stayed in gloom. Recession can make you lose out on money. Let it not make you lose out on experiences… If you are not happy with what you have, no matter how much more you have, you will still not be happy.

Make a statement with the way you live your life: How I feel has nothing to do with how much I have

; or just a very insignificant bit.

Farmer and his Donkey!!!

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off! MORAL : Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happens.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less from people but more from God.

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